to Find Your Real Self Again
by Kathy Gates, Professional
On the surface it seems an odd idea that you could
actually be anything other than who you really are. But
from the time we can talk, we're being programmed to
"fit in". We find ourselves conforming in order to
please the people we love, and who love us. "But
sometimes that means that you have to suppress what
you know is the real person inside.
And yet, your relationship with yourself is the most
important relationship you'll ever have. Without a
healthy relationship with yourself, it's practically
impossible to have a healthy relationship with anyone
If you're ready to get re-acquainted with someone you
haven't seen in a while - yourself - start with these 5
ideas to help you rediscover the real you.
1. Quiet the noise in your head. You know those
voices well, the ones that are constantly nagging you to
pick up the dry cleaning, talk to the school teacher,
juggle the bills, call your mother, keep the kids in line,
and keep the boss happy. With all that noise going on,
it will be impossible for you to hear anything above the
din. This MUST be the first step. How do you do that?
By setting up systems, simplifying, and establishing
enough extras in your life to allow you to operate from
a position of abundance, instead of lack.
2. Learn how to- and practice - thinking about yourself
in healthy ways. In order to do that, you must first
believe that you are valuable, and your Real Self has
something to offer the world. Since you talk to yourself
more than everyone else in your life combined, --that's
a lot of talk!-it's up to you to establish the healthy
communication in your thinking. Consciously listen to
how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy
things you say; challenge them; and replace them with
facts. Talk: "You never do anything right." Challenge:
"Of course I do things right. I did (example) right. I
did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake.
I'll learn from it and have better success next time."
3. Listen to your heart. Sounds easy enough, but by
the time we're adults, most of us have stopped listening
to our hearts and go only with our heads. Those two
must reconnect in order to find your real self. It's easy
to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings
instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking
yourself what you think about something, ask yourself
what you feel. Ask yourself why it's important. What
are you comfortable with? What's difficult for you?
Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal, when
what you're really after is a specific feeling. Keep an
open mind to the feelings, and be willing to adjust the
methods you use to achieve them.
4. Uncover your natural strengths and your natural
talents. Trust your instinct. Look back at your
childhood, and make a list of things that you used to
love to do. Ask why you stopped doing them. If you
always loved adventure, it's a good bet that's a part of
the REAL you. Notice what things you now do during
your day - even if only for a few minutes - when you
feel the most happy. If you have no idea what the real
you is, begin to experiment with things that you find
you used to like.
5. Look back again over your life, and begin to
remember times when you felt the happiest. What
were you doing? Who were you with? What skills
were you using? Be willing to tell the truth about who
you are, and what you want in your life. Stop trying to
"be" who or what you think you ought to be. Instead,
determine that you are comfortable with what you want
in your life, and how you want to address the world.
Professional Life Coach Kathy Gates is the author of
several e-books and e-courses designed to help people
live happier, healthier, easier lives. Sign up for her
ezine, "Make It Happen" at www.reallifecoach.com.
Mental Health Matters for information
and articles. Get
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Forums for message boards on a variety of MH topics.
Copyright © Patty Fleener, M.S.W. All