For some people, the holiday season is a time of happiness and celebration spent with family and loved ones. Movies and advertisements usually portray a big family dinner, presents, and rooms filled with laughter.
However, for others, the reality of the festive period can be very different, and this time of year can become a test of emotional endurance. Thanksgiving, New Year’s and Christmas can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, and they can also be a reminder of a past trauma, or just extremely emotionally draining.
The idea that everyone needs to be merry, sociable, and happy during the holidays can make this time of year feel more overwhelming.
Why the holidays can be difficult
Shorter days, cold weather, and even financial pressures (for example, to buy presents) during the holidays can affect your resilience, especially when you are also managing depression, anxiety, or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
If you do not have family or friends to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with, you may feel lonely, leading to feelings of sadness and depression.
Perhaps the most difficult part of the holiday period is the contrast between your inner reality and the seemingly cheerful, merry world around you. This difference can invoke feelings of sadness or frustration, making this time of year even harder to face.
If you’re spending the holidays alone
Spending your holidays alone doesn’t have to mean spending them feeling down.
It can be good to plan some activities that you enjoy doing during this time of the year, no matter how big or small.
Depending on your personality, there are a lot of different things you can do if you’re feeling lonely.
- Structure the day (or an entire week) by planning meals, a specific activity, or a creative project, so the time doesn’t feel empty or overwhelming. Setting some manageable goals during the day can make you feel more in control, and give you more purpose during your time off. But at the same time, if you’re generally very busy at work, and feel exhausted, don’t feel the need to be super busy during Thanksgiving or Christmas if you don’t want to.
- Accept your emotional state by knowing that you don’t have to feel festive just because it’s a holiday. Be gentle with yourself, and don’t feel the need to conform with how you see the holidays portrayed on TV or social media, if you don’t want to.
- Be physically active by walking or doing some light exercise to calm the body and ease any intrusive thoughts. Physical activity increases endorphin levels, which are chemicals in the brain responsible for elevating your mood. However, the holidays can also be a valuable time to relax and reflect, so try to find a balance between resting and exercising that works for you.
- Reach out in small ways by calling or texting a friend or family member, if you know someone supportive you have a good connection with.
- Volunteer or offer help to animal shelters, food banks, or a community Thanksgiving or Christmas meal. This can provide you with a sense of connection and purpose during the holiday period. You can also choose to just attend community holiday meals if you’d prefer, and you can sometimes find festive events to join on websites like meetup.com.
- Monitor alcohol and substance intake or binge-eating because these activities can worsen symptoms of depression and anxiety, or make you feel like your emotions are spiraling out of your control. It’s a great time of year to have your favorite food, but make sure not to overindulge.
If you’re with family but struggling
Even when surrounded by family and friends, it’s normal to feel uneasy or emotionally drained at times.
If you’re with family but feel exhausted, unhappy, or depressed, there are some strategies that can be helpful.
- Set limits by deciding how long you will stay at the gathering ahead of time, what topics you don’t want to engage in, and how you will leave if things become overwhelming.
- Take breaks whenever you feel mentally or physically drained. Stepping outside for some fresh air, taking a brief walk, or finding a quiet place can give you some time to reset your emotions and relax.
- Avoid performance pressure by remembering that you don’t need to fit your emotions into other people’s expectations. You are allowed to feel sad, tired, anxious, or reserved.
- Change traditions if this might make this period easier to handle. You can decide the timings of gatherings, or your level of involvement—for example, maybe it’s someone else’s turn to cook Christmas dinner. Be mindful of your feelings, and only undertake responsibilities you feel comfortable with or that you enjoy doing.
- Make a recovery plan for the days following the gathering. You can arrange a calm day spent by yourself, or make an appointment with your therapist or a trusted friend to debrief and help you process the event.
Managing your mental health during the holidays
If you know the end of the year can be a burden on your mental health, you can schedule check-ins with a therapist or join a support group—but most importantly, take your time and do things at your own pace. Regular sleep, meals, and movement can be a foundation for emotional stability during the holidays.
Dealing with grief, either recent or longstanding, can also be more challenging during this period. If you have lost someone recently, it might be difficult to cope with celebrations going on around you while you are grieving. Keeping a small ritual to honor their memory (such as lighting a candle, cooking their favorite meal, or writing them a letter) can be a gentle way of acknowledging your loss.
Further resources
- The YMCA provides opportunities to volunteer or participate in different programs and social groups. They offer open holiday lunches, crafting days or movie afternoons, book groups, and more.
- Meals on Wheels America – provides volunteer opportunities in assisting the elderly, including during the holidays.
- JED Foundation – Self-care resources for the holidays.
- The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) has free peer-to-peer communities for people dealing with depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
- The Dinner Party is a peer-led grief community that organizes small, informal gatherings for people coping with loss.
