by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
"I just want to get rid of the part
of me that gets angry so easily."
"I hate the part of me that thinks about food all
"I just want to kill the part of me that is so
For the last 35 years I have been counseling
individuals, couples, families and business partners and
have authored eight published books. In the course of my
work, I often hear the people I counsel wanting to get
rid of their wounded aspects. This would be like
attempting to kill off a child who is having problems.
This would, of course, cause the child many more
Instead, we need to learn to welcome, embrace, love and
explore with the many wounded parts of ourselves. These
parts exist due to the false beliefs that we have from
our childhood experiences. These parts heal with love
and truth, not with being disowned.
One day, when I was walking and talking with my inner
guidance, I asked about my own wounded, disowned
aspects. "There is really only one disowned aspect
that all the other aspects come from. This aspect is the
victim. The victim is like the mothership from which all
the other wounded aspects emerge."
"Me? A victim?" I was a triffle miffed. I did
not see myself as a victim. "Of course," said
my guidance. "How can anyone grow up in your
society and not believe you are a victim? Everyone has
had many experiences in childhood of feeling victimized.
The beliefs regarding being a victim are in the very
young child within. Until the beliefs within this
wounded inner child are healed, you are being governed
by them, even though you may not be aware of it. No one
wants to feel like victim, so all the protections are to
have control over not feeling like a victim. All the
anger, blame, withdrawal, denial, defensiveness,
resistance, caretaking and so on are to have control
over not being controlled. All the addictions are to not
feel the feelings of helplessness and aloneness that
come from feeling like a victim. Embrace the part of you
that believes you are a victim and you will find
yourself able to embrace all the feelings and behavior
that come from the belief that you are a victim. Who do
you know who never thinks that their feelings or
behavior is not caused by someone else, or by events, or
by God? Who do you know who takes full responsibility
for all their feelings and behavior, especially in their
I had to admit I didn't know anyone like that. I had
never met an enlightened being.
Since then, I have delighted in embracing my victim and
all the feelings that come from this false belief. My
own progress has greatly excelerated as a result of this
Next time you feel anxious, angry, guilty, shamed,
critical, resistant, needy, depressed, hurt - try
opening your arms and welcoming this wounded child.
Explore the beliefs behind these feelings and you might
discover your victim. Then welcome that part with great
love and compassion.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and
co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To
Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To
Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing
Your Aloneness," "Inner Bonding", and
"Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?"
Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course:
http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org
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Copyright © Patty Fleener, M.S.W. All