I did what I caution all of you not
to do. I figured that my neuroleptic, Seroquel was affecting my cognitive
abilities, especially my memory and that I would do fine by taking a lesser
amount. So instead of taking my usual 150 mgs, I took 100 mgs for about 3 days.
Needless to say I worked on the websites for 36 hours straight taking only a few
minutes off to eat one meal quickly. Last night I wondered if I was possibly
manic. No I couldn't be, I thought. I have just slept too much lately from the
However I decided to finally quit working about 8:00 last night and when my mind
wasn't intensely tied up in the computer I realized that I was extremely hungry,
that my body was exhausted but I could not relax for anything. I was wired. Not
only that but I was extremely irritable and began to raise my voice at the
"stupid television shows." I was slurring my words and my husband gave
me that terrified look of "oh no, not again."
It was his terrified look that made me do everything I could to calm down. I
knew I was on the verge of a full-blown manic episode and I did not want to put
him through that again. Fortunately I was finally able to relax and get some
sleep, but not before taking 150 mgs of Seroquel that night.
So many times we get frustrated with the side effects of our medications and
let's face it, we do suffer many frustrating side effects. We also get tired of
Drs. saying, "I have never heard of that reaction."
Many of us have put a lot of unattractive weight on as I have too. Some of us
experience tremor, dry mouth, constipation, memory loss, word finding
difficulties, sleepiness, fogginess, etc. The side effects are many but we must
ask ourselves these questions. Despite these side effects, are we able to have a
life now? Are we finally able to be in a relationship? Do we get along with
people better now? Are we more stable with our jobs, with our children, our
partners? Are we alive versus dead? Is life now worth living?
We do pay a price to have these things but the price we pay, at least to me, is
very small compared to being finally being able to have a stable existence.
I have found that every time I write anything, I write the wrong words - I leave
things out constantly. If I have time I can go back through my writing and check
it but sometimes I don't have the time.
This is a problem I had not experienced before taking these meds.
When I watch movies now it takes me at least a good ten minutes before I can
really tune myself into paying attention to what is going on. I've never had
this problem before. Alzheimer's, getting older, brain damage due to meds or
disorders or just temporarily from taking meds?
The problem is major but as I said, in comparison to the large degree of
emotional pain I endured for so many years, it is but a speck. I have had people
warn me of brain damage due to neuroleptics many times and each time my attitude
is "so, what is your point?" These folks have no idea that I would
truly not be here if it were not for that little pill they refer to.
Everyone is different when it comes to medications. For someone who does not
need a neuroleptic, it would be a crime to take them. It is also important to
remember that for the bpd and borderline disorder we usually do not take them in
the dose recommended for schizophrenia but if I had to I certainly would.
There is a new neuroleptic out now called "Geodon" that does not cause
weight gain. I have not tried it because I am having wonderful success with my
current medications and there is minimal weight gain from Seroquel.
Zyprexa will cause an extreme amount of weight gain so be careful.
Not everyone with bipolar disorder needs a neuroleptic, which is the same thing
as an "antipsychotic." No, you don't have to be psychotic to need this
drug. That is just the name of the class of drugs.
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