person with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder
famlies should set boundaries about rages
bipolar disorder rages
borderline personality disorder rage
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Replies to Family Member Letter about Rages

Recovering Person with Borderline Personality Disorder & Bipolar Disorder

Dear Family Member-

I had to take a day or two to reply to your letter-- there is so much to say! First, let me congratulate you on your courage; even those considered "normal" in this society often cannot summon the honesty you did. It is sad, though, that this honesty and forthrightness was not directed towards the person with whom you are having so many problems.

I have been diagnosed with both Borderline Personality Disorder, and Bipolar Disorder. Like you, Family Member, I also have Post Traumatic Stress disorder. In a strange sort of way, I can sympathize with you both; that does not mean that you are off the hook!

Yes, those rages are unacceptable. So, tell him that. Say to him, "I find this behavior unacceptable. I am not your emotional punching bag. If you persist, I will leave this room. I will be happy to discuss this with you when your medicine has taken hold, and you are in a calmer frame of mind." THEN, DO IT.

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I am a great believer in personal responsibility. I am not my disease. I am more than a disease, a disorder, or a syndrome. I am me. That means that staying on my medicine is not negotiable, and that I accept responsibility for my actions--ALL of them. 

Your loved one is responsible for his rages. You are responsible for how you choose to respond to them. You are also responsible for how you choose to see yourself in this circumstance. From what is in the letter, I have gotten that you feel victimised by these rages. This is something that you can change, if you truly wish . It requires you to practice tough love with you loved one--and with yourself. It is not love, when the behavior demeans and threatens you. It is not love, when you condone that behavior by not standing up and saying no to it. Suffering in silence is not an option. Joint counseling is. Honesty, and letting him know how those rages hurt you, is definitely an option. He cannot change, if he does not understand what he is doing is hurting you.

Family Member, there is help out there, for the both of you! I hope that you will find it, and the peace of mind and heart that you need. Good luck in your search!

Permission by Anonymous



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