Replies to Family Member Letter about Rages

Person With Bipolar Disorder and/or Borderline Personality Disorder

The first thing I want to say is this:

You do not cause the rages any more than you can cause the sun to rise in the morning. The rages are part of the disorder and that may never change. As a person with borderline personality disorder, I know there are days when nothing is ever right for me and there will be a fight no matter what the other person does or says. I think that the best thing to do is change how you react to the outbursts, and change your attitude about them. 

We are not MANIACS or SOCIOPATHS. We are people who have some difficulties with our emotions. It is not about the other person. Nothing you do or say will ever change that. I think if you say to your person when they are raging something like, "look, I know you are angry with me right now and I am sorry but I LOVE YOU and I want to work this out with you instead of fighting," maybe you'd get farther than cringing and acting afraid.

I highly doubt your wish for death is solely related to living with someone with BPD or bipolar disorder. You cannot blame your depression on your person with BPD anymore than they can blame you for their BPD. Both conditions have to do with brain chemistry. 

Is there hope??? I think so. You are two people with mental illness that need to be accepting of each others problems. I am sure that it is extremely difficult for someone with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) to be involved with someone with BPD. I would suggest going to a therapist (a different one from the one you see individually) for couples counseling. 

Make sure you find someone who is knowledgeable both about BPD and PTSD. I think you can work this out if you both try and are willing to put some effort into your relationship.

Permission by Anonymous