person with borderline personality disorder
borderline personality disorder rages
borderline personality disorder rage
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Replies to Family Member Letter about Rages

Person With Borderline Personality Disorder

It is very true that there is no generic form of borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder. However, I cannot help but feel true empathy for that loving, selfless, and persistent woman. I was once the "maniac" who tormented a beautiful girl who loved me unconditionally.

If this was written 2 years ago, I would've thought that my girlfriend wrote it. She was my first love and without a doubt we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. But neither one of us realized how mentally and emotionally unstable I was until it was too late. 

She was incredibly selfless, patient, and supportive, but it was no match for the power of my disorders. Deep inside of me there is a pent up anger and hate towards my abusive father and powerless mother. She allowed me to lower my guard because she loved me unconditionally, I was so relieved to finally be myself. The "real me" that I kept locked away, was freed. 

Unfortunately, the "real me" turned out to be an angry, arrogant and sadistic child who enjoyed causing pain. I was blind to the fact that whenever I lost control of myself, she became in my eyes the source of all my pain. She gave me all she could of herself but it only made my condition worse. The more she gave, the more I became my abusive father. 

After a particularly abusive acting out session, she finally realized what she was dealing with. She was smart enough and brave enough to finally end our relationship. It was the smartest thing she could have done. My unchecked disorders were destroying both of us. Her unconditional love encouraged me to regress. Our relationship was quickly ruining both our lives. She had the courage to finally walk away. 

We must never fool ourselves into thinking that it's ok to abuse our loved ones verbally or physically due to our illness. They are human beings with every right to happiness. the symptoms of our illness does not give us the right to take that away from them. If a person is not willing to go the distance in order to control their disorder, then no one should sacrifice the rest of their life to be with them. If the woman who wrote that letter simply cannot take the situation anymore, then she has every reason as an equal human being to leave. Do not kill yourself, if your parents are still alive, then move in with them until you are healed. If not, then contact friends or relatives. It would be better for both of you, even him.

Don't ever let anyone tell you that mental illness is not controllable. At the time of our breakup, I was devastated. I overdosed on painkillers and ended up in a hospital hooked up to a respirator. It's been two years since I last spoke to her. Back then, I was unemployed, extremely mentally disturbed, a drug addict, and a college drop out. 

After my breakup and suicide attempt, I got a job, began seeing a counselor and psychiatrist, and began taking classes at a local community college. Today, I am a pre law student studying labor relations at Cornell University. I have found a great medication combination and a great counselor who I see each week. Hate to sound trite but time does heal all wounds, all we have to do is let it. 

Permission by Anonymous



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