Replies to Family Member Letter about Rages

Person with Borderline Personality Disorder

I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Besides I have some physical trouble with my back and hypothyreoses.


First of all, I don't find it's good for me to feel that I'm hurting someone else. I feel it helps when the person who becomes the target is able to take care of his or her own needs. So it's best when there's an agreement on what to do in case of a rage. It's helpful when my therapist and immediate family are willing to use some foresight. This makes me feel a bit safer. Actually the perception that someone puts herself on the mercy of my moods may add to the sense that my rage cannot be controlled. Through therapy and other positive experience I know that I can be calmed or calm myself under positive circumstances. You may be more tolerant of being left alone for a while. So with me it could have worked with my withdrawing from the situation. Find the neutral areas, where you can be together in a positive way. Remember that BPD sufferers often have a conscience. It's not always put to work, but it's there. So try to find an agreement. When angers start stirring. The BPD may be the one to leave the scene.

I have no idea how it feels not to be able to remove oneself. If you and the one with BPD that you care about can talk calmly, I would come to an agreement on a cue that the borderline leaves when pressure is building.

I agree that rage does not help in relationships. It can feel like a relief from inner pressure though. That's why it can be so difficult to stop. The inner pressure gets a lot more to deal with than the outside world makes sense.

My husband and daughter have learned to counter my rages. They know that 
saying things I don't like can set me off. So for a while both my daughter and my husband started saying those words that I have used for creating my nickname here. In that way they help me prepare that I might get upset. It's actually been helpful. It's many months since they've used it.

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