The "Why" Question
Q. I have tried to explain his psychological problems
behind the reasons for his extremely abusive behavior. Would you or
a colleague please try to find the time to give me an overview of what
you think about his behavior?
A. Everyone who has been severely abused by another person eventually
asks this question. And I wish there was an easy answer to it!
I have researched this question extensively trying to
find some kind of intellectual understanding of abusive behavior. The
problem is that in our psychology minded society we assume that there
are understandable psychological reasons for bad behavior. We want to
put some horrible into manageable portions. If there was an understandable
reason, then we can change their behavior. Maybe even prevent future
But we cannot.
The closest to understanding I have come is that there are some people
who do very bad things. These people are different somehow from you
and I. I do not believe that there is, yet, any effective treatment
for truly abusive people. They leave ‘treatment’ or jail and return
to their abusive behavior.
Abusive people see others as objects for their satisfaction. They
usually lack empathy and see no value in the needs, feelings, wants
or desires of others.
I like to compare this to addiction. Instead of chemicals, an abusive
person has your fear, powerlessness or pain as their drug of choice.
In other words, they hurt you so that they can feel better.
This is a very ugly picture. Yet, I believe it is a real one. Understanding
this can help victims understand there was absolutely nothing in them
that caused their abuse. Abusers abuse because that is what they do.
Not because the victim had any special characteristics or weaknesses.
Health Today ] [ Attention
Deficit Disorder Today ] [ Bipolar
Disorder Today ] [ Borderline
Personality Disorder Today ] [ Depression
Today ] [ Gender
Identity Disorder Today ] [ Narcissistic
Personality Disorder Today ] [ Schizophrenia
Today ] [ Suicide
Intervention ] [ Mental
Health Matters ] [ Locate
a Therapist ]