Schizophrenia
Stories
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1)
OVERCOMING SCHIZOPHRENIA
INTRODUCTION
For the
last 18 years (only by the grace of God) I have managed to
subdue the symptoms of schizophrenia and gain control over
my life and mind. I
am presently 36 years of age with a loving wife and
9-year-old daughter. I’ve
been able to work the entire 18 years even through 4 major
attacks of delusions and for the l 9 years I’ve been
working as a mechanical engineer with a professional
registration (P.E.)
CAUSES/SYMPTOMS
& TREATMENTS
Some of the
major symptoms I have experienced have been perceptional
difficulties and voices.
‘Voices’ is a poor word to use for this Symptom
as very few people who are diagnosed as hearing a voice
actually hear a voice; it’s closer to being addressed by
your own thoughts in the 3rd person and believing that these
thoughts originate from outside yourself.
Whether or not these thoughts come from evil spirits
(biblical definition) or a biochemical imbalance makes no
difference to the person experiencing these symptoms because
the effect remains the same. These voices and perceptional
illusions can intrude upon the conscious mind and make it
difficult to live.
Perceptional
illusions can affect your consciousness, feelings, and
senses. Many people (including myself) experience a
“driftiness” in their consciousness, which effects their
concentration. Sometimes
the emotions can become erratic with no logical cause.
I get flashes of anxiety, guilt and fear or a
confused mess of all of them at once.
Some of the sensational reactions can be the hardest
to ignore especially when one of the voices claims to
trigger them. The
worst thing you to do in these cases are to fight these
illusions and lies on their own level (i.e. return violent
thoughts, feelings & emotions for the same), one must
“overcome evil with good” or the victory won’t last
very long. The big question is “what is the how” behind
this verse from the Lord. How do you displace bad thoughts with good thoughts,
bad feelings with good feelings or, and most important evil
spirit with good spirit.
For those of you who are turned off by religious
vocabulary just replace the words evil and good with
sickness & health or life & death, it won’t change
the reality of what is happening by the words used.
To claim
there is an exact how, formula, or method in how to
accomplish a victory of good over evil would be lie. The
only how is in how we ask the spirit of truth to enter our
beings and set us free from whatever from of emotional,
mental or spiritual oppression we may temporarily be faced
with. “YOU SHALL COME TO KNOW THE TRUTH
AND THE
TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE” is a promise from someone who
does not lie, so if when we ask GOD to help us with some
problem and we don’t think we received a answer, maybe its
because we did not take the time to hear the answer or
receive the grace that would set us (or the person we may be
interceding for) free.
The biggest
trigger of schizophrenic symptoms is a destructive degree of
stress. Not all
stress is negative; a certain level is necessary for us to
function in day-to-day living. One of the greatest problems in dealing with
schizophrenia today is the label and the failure on to
emphasize the normalcy in experiencing a moderate degree of
stress. Many
individuals have been conditioned (not intentionally) to be
scared to death of stress, which of course only leads to
more stress. A normal degree of fear, anxiety, frustration or
insecurity, when looked at through the eyes of someone who
has been labeled mentally ill, can be misinterpreted as
symptoms of their disease. It’s very important that the degree of the stress or
suspected symptom be measured before worrying about
experiencing an attack of mental illness.
Identifying with the label of the mental illness
(schizophrenia or maniac depression) is a pitfall that can
inhibit the healing process.
Any psychologist will tell you that you should never
call a child stupid as the child may begin to believe that
he or she is and will act accordingly; but they have nothing
against charging people 15O.OO bucks an hour to figure out
which name should apply.
When someone says “ I am a schizophrenic”, they
are identifying themselves with schizophrenia and they
affirm the disease.
Where as the person that says “I sometimes
experience symptoms of schizophrenia” is indicating that
he or she is not always bound by the disease and has not
given up their identity to the disease. This may sound
trivial to some people.
But the disease is both mental and biochemical and
words do influence our state of mind and we need to be
careful of the words that are used.
Another problem is in feeling trapped by the negative
feelings, thoughts or stress being experienced and losing
hope. The
“why try, what is the use, nobody cares, I tried a little
and it didn’t work”, all this kind of thinking and the
feelings that go along with them must be recognized for the
lies that they are before you start to believe these words
and become bound by them.
The biochemical imbalances in the brain that may be
contributing to the negative states of mind can be overcome
with good states of mind or more importantly with the grace
we receive through prayer.
I have had days where I was totally filled with
negative thoughts and feelings but I always knew these
states were only temporary because I knew where to go to
escape these states.
There is healing power that is available to us all if
we only have the faith to ask for it “ask and you shall
receive”. Then, and this is the hardest part, to wait, wait and
patiently wait until you receive it in the stillness of your
soul. If
you aren’t a Christian and don’t recognize the name of
Jesus as Lord, I don’t believe God will cut you off from
his healing power.
The
biochemical treatments that exist today consist of
conventional medication, ortho-Vitamin therapy, and
abstaining from wheat, corn and dairy products. Medication is the most widely accepted and little needs
to be said except that you cannot expect it to do everything
and people who do receive only a partial healing. I don’t
condone that patients should dump their medicine down the
sink as an act of faith, just that we should never give up
the ultimate goal of being free from the need for
medication. Any
attempts to wean someone of medication should be monitored
by a professional. I
take medication on an as needed basis, like aspirin, only
because over the years I have developed awareness for the
symptoms and can start up on the medication (and other
treatments) before things get out of control.
Ortho-Vitamin
therapy has also proven to be an effective treatment for
both others and myself.
Timed-release niacin, B-complex and vitamin C are the
normally recommended treatments and I seldom miss a daily
dosage. More
information on these treatments can be obtained from the
Huxley Institute for Biosocial Research (with a chapter in
Boca Raton) or the Schizophrenic Association of Greater
Washington D.C. They can give you accounts of numerous case
histories that support Vitamin therapy.
Watching
what you eat, especially wheat, corn and dairy are another
effective, but not widely accepted, therapy that can help.
Research and studies have shown that 95% of all
schizophrenics have food allergies to wheat, corn and dairy
(ref; Brain Allergies by Philpott & Kaiita, The
Psychonutrient Connection).
By staying away from these foods, I have observed a
direct reduction or elimination of symptoms.
Various qualified doctors can test for these
allergies and prescribe specific Ecological-Orthomolecular
treatments (see the above references for a list of doctors).
The most
effective treatments for me have been prayer, meditation,
and relaxation. If my stress level or symptoms start to grow out of control I
know I need to spend more time praying and meditating.
The first thing to do is find a quiet place, be very
still, and reach out for the healing power of the spirit
with your feelings.
If you are really stressed out the first thing that
may happen is an increase in anxiety.
Don’t get impatient; this is the first step in
releasing your negative feelings to the spirit. As time goes on you may sense warmth that will start
working on whatever negative emotions or symptoms are giving
you a hard time. Allow
your body and mind to rest in this warmth (or maybe
stillness), but don’t always expect an immediate release
from your negative state because healing can take time. It may, at times take days to notice a substantial
relief. The
important thing is not to give up waiting, expecting and
hoping. After
you experience the process a few times you’ll become more
aware of the reactions, sensations and feelings that are
associated with the spirit and it will be easier to observe
as it goes to work on your negative states.
One difference I have observed is that the awareness
that I associate with evil and negative mental and emotional
states are more self centered than the good positive
energies associated with the spirit.
The negative feelings draw me into myself but the
positive feelings and energies expand my awareness level
making it easier to care, love and relate to those around
me.
It is
especially hard to relax when experiencing racing thoughts,
which lead to confused states of feelings and emotion if not
checked. By
focusing the mind on one word and repeating it over and over
in the mind, (slowly), you can stop the racing thoughts.
Choose a word that counteracts the state you are
praying to be released from. For example, if you are
suffering anxiety, try using the word “easy” or
“calm”. While
repeating the word to yourself ask the spirit, with your
feelings and desire, to empower the word so that you can
feel the spirit of Christ, that is beyond the simple good
words, fight off the negative feelings and thoughts
(overcome evil with good).
This is also effective in displacing illusions and
auditory hallucinations.
The mind may tend to wander, but if you are
persistent you will notice an improvement. This type of
praying has seen me through the worst states of
schizophrenia. People
who have never had a problem slowing down their mind at the
end of the day will look upon this kind of praying as
ludicrous or senseless vain repetition.
It can turn into vain repetition if you forget the
goal, which is to enter into that one on one personal
communication with the Holy Spirit (beyond words) that
protects us and gives us hope.
Some forms of meditation can lead you in the wrong
direction and need to be avoided, but this is another topic
of its own. Some circles within the church have thrown out the word
meditation and classified those types of meditation that are
acceptable and safe as contemplative prayer or centering
prayer. Some
churches have workshops leading people through centering
prayer, which is similar to that discussed above.
Quiet, non-verbal prayer is one of the best ways to
recharge your spirit, and it would be sin if this type of
prayer was confused with something else and thrown out as a
evil.
When you
start to sense the Holy Spirit working away’ at the
symptoms don’t make the mistake of giving credit to the
process of prayer instead of the spirit itself. The process
of prayer
includes any words, songs, or readings we may use to worship
the spirit and ask for its assistance.
These are techniques of communication and not the
source of healing. We must approach the spirit with a
childlike attitude or it just doesn’t seem to work as
good. “UNLESS YOU ENTER AS A CHILD”, “NO MAN CONTROLS
THE SPIRIT, IT COMES AND GOES AS IT WILL”, “APART FROM
ME YOU CAN DO NOTHING”, are several verses that come to my
mind when I get carried away with the images, thoughts,
feelings and sensations that are associated with the power
of the spirit instead of the sprint itself which is the
source of all these things that are necessary for us to lead
full lives. Its
been my experience that the power of the spirit is strongest
in the silent prayer that displaces all the words, thoughts,
negative feelings or evil that stand between me and the kind
of life that Christ would have us all experience.
Getting
through the bad days can be the hardest part of the healing
experience. We all have days when we suffer, and the Lord
never promised to totally free us from suffering (in this
world) but he does promise us life and freedom. He promised
to displace all the evil or negative things within us (fear,
guilt, confusion, jealousy, hate, anxiety ect.) by grace
with peace joy and longsuffering. But moderate degrees of
suffering when looked at through the eyes of someone who has
experienced mental illness can be seen as a real threat.
Will I sink deeper? Is it happening again? Am I
losing control?, are the types of questions that can enter
the mind of someone who has been conditioned to fear normal
stress. One
of the verses that has helped me through the bad days is to
remember that the spirit is willing and the flesh is
weak”. I
try not to let the anxiety, fear, pain or other negative
sensations I may be dealing with to touch my emotions or
thoughts. When I look at these states as simply physical
sensations that are temporarily attacking or bothering the
flesh they lose allot of their effect. But sometimes being
human suffering does touch our feelings or our thoughts and
we have to deal with these periods in our lives, just
remember that these negative states can never destroy the
spirit within, your free will, or your willingness to keep
on trying. If these states do touch our feelings, we always
have the free will to think good thoughts, which in time
will lead us to the spirit of freedom that is promised to
all who ask. Never
define the spirit in terms of your feelings as these can be
affected by negative sensations.
We do respond to the spirit with our feelings during
worship, living and loving but the spirit is still above all
these things and is our refuge, protection and source of
strength when in trouble.
If you define the spirit as simply another human
feeling or emotion where will you turn when these physical
feelings let you down?
PERSONAL
CASE HISTORY
My first
attack of schizophrenic symptoms occurred when I was 18 yrs
old and after being hospitalized for about 3 1/2 months I
was finally released back into society. They had me on very
high dosages of thorazine which turned me into a walking
zombie, until I was moved to a state hospital after the
insurance money ran out where the dosages where reduced and
my condition dramatically improved Within 3 weeks after
being admitted and talking to a lawyer about bringing my
case to court they decided I was ready for society again.
It’s taken me a long time to forgive but never agree with
the way. The conventional Medical establishment treats
schizophrenia pumping people with large dosages until their
money runs out).
I tried to tell them various times that the small
dosages would work better than large dosages, (I escaped
three times, I should have cancelled my insurance policy)
but nobody would listen. Now they have gone to the opposite
extreme and just dump them on the street, unless of course
they have good insurance.
‘Since
that time I have experienced 4 major attacks and several
minor ones that have interfered with my abilities to focus
on living, loving, and working. I was capable of hiding the
symptoms and maintaining a sense of normalcy even though my
thoughts were out of control, enabling me to survive in the
“normal world”.
Only on three occasions did my employers notice such
a change that my performance was questioned.
Once on oil boat where I was almost fired, but I
experienced a healing in time to avoid any additional
scrutiny. I
was praying for relief from the symptoms when suddenly I
experienced a wave of heat that totally wiped out the
symptoms within about 5 minutes and allowed me to go about
my duties, which only the day before I was incapable of
doing. The
other two occasions occurred in the navy and while working
as a engineer where I required a few days off work to do
nothing but pray, worship and meditate which eventually
cleared up the conditions. My standard line when approached
by an employer was to explain that I was having problems
with migraine headaches, which is true as my attacks and
auditory hallucinations were always accompanied by the
severe headaches, which make it hard to think or
concentrate.
Prayer,
medication, diet and vitamin therapy have seen n through all
these attacks, along with the daily support from my family,
which can never be measured. I used to wonder why God would send me healing grace to
free me from these symptoms, and then allow them to return
at a later date but the why me type of thinking just wasted
time that could be used for more productive pursuits.
This type of thinking needs to be resisted in order
to receive the grace and healing when it does come, or you
could end up like, a schooner on the sea when the wind comes
without your sail up.
My
spiritual life took on a new dimension when I started to
pray and worship with a prayer group. The amount of time and
prayer that was required to receive the grace that set me
free from the migraines, confusion and illusions was
dramatically reduced. I
was still having problems with migraines and confusing
thoughts at this time but when we started to praise and
worship I could feel a warmth that would lift away the pain,
negative feelings and thoughts in a instant when it used to
sometimes take days of praying on my own for the same thing
to happen. I
started going to a prayer group after one of the prayer
teams prayed over our family.
I didn’t really trust these people, especially as
they started to pray in tongues (which sounded like allot of mumbling at the time), but I
knew the healing warmth and energy of the Holy Spirit when I
sensed it and it was strong here (Saint Rita’s church) so
I came back for more.
It took me quite a while to feel comfortable with
these people as I have always had a fear of coming across
like a phony holy roller without substance, but I had no
problems getting used to the spirit that started to flow as
we prayed. The
migraines and negative states still came back from time to
time so I asked for prayer.
A healing team prayed over me about once a week for 3
to 4 weeks for this problem.
On one of these occasions as I walked in the room
One of the
members of the team said she could sense that I had a
headache and she was right (this is called a word of
knowledge) and as they started to pray over me the warmth of
the spirit lifted the pain as it usually did, but this time
one of the members (the same one) started to proclaim that I
had been healed. I didn’t recognize anything special about this time and
none of the other members confirmed her proclamation so I
wondered if she was just having an emotional reaction to the
spirit. But
as time pasted my faith in that proclamation grew.
It’s been since 1989 and no migraines or the
intensely negative states (i.e. illusions, out of control
thoughts & feelings) that came with them have been
experienced. I still have an occasional headache (not migraines) and
even racing thoughts but not to the degree that it
interferes with my ability to do a full days work or blanks
me out while driving, (I totaled the car once and came
within 6 inches of being seriously injured). I no longer have that deep-rooted fear that the symptoms
would someday become so bad that I can’t work or support
my family.
I have
experienced a healing that started the first time I was
attacked with schizophrenia at 17 and reached a critical
point the day my healing was proclaimed. The tools of this
healing have been medicine, diet, mental discipline, prayer,
and faith in Christ (not just my own).
I still have things in myself that need to be worked
on but I believe the hardest part is over. Why some healings
occur in stages and others all at once, I don’t know.
All I can say is that Jesus does work in the
Father’s own time and if you are one of those people who
feel the Lord has abandoned you please don’t give up
asking, praying, hoping or just plain enduring.
It took 18 yrs for the spirit to set me free from the
worst symptoms of schizophrenia and I know there is more
freedom and growth to be gained for both anyone and myself
who hopes and strives to believe.
Someone who understand
Written in 1989
Update; 2004 still fine, Age 50, daughter 23
Thank You, Lord
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